Bediyan/Decisions

Hai mere paanv hi

Khud meri bediyaan

Us se mujhe tu chooda

......

Dil ke viraane mein

Mere phasane mein

Tu hi toh har dum raha.

-Tera Mera Rishta. 

I have been talking and talking a lot, to a lot of people, this quarantine and surprisingly each and everyone of us has gone through a phase of self-realization and have re-evaluated life choices at multiple levels. Some are questioning where their career is headed and some are questioning where their life?

How much have we lost ourselves in the process, which is an illusion to stay happy and what all have we buried for something that we assumed would give us peace in the long run, but now that life has slowed down and has forced us to think, to consider and to ruminate, the shroud is slowly disappearing. 

We make choices and sometimes choices are just an impediment in our endeavour to a life we imagined or a life pictured by us and sometimes you make choices because you need to go through the whole of your inner turmoil and uncertainty to be able to finally come out of it with a certain clarity. For some, like me it took close to two years to reach a conclusion of what I wanted with life and I am pretty clear with the outcome.

But on the other hand there are a few who struggle to choose with a decision that was taken/given due to circumstances - emotional or practical(very subjective) and when the realisation dawned upon them, their life turned topsy turvy and they are now just a child in a toy store, scared and confused. 

But you don't have to be, you are just going to come out of it stronger. But you need to do it alone. Nobody can and should hold your finger and take you to the exit, coz phir se you will just end up following the footsteps of that person who helps you and the(your) entire journey, your entire existence, will be rendered futile.

Now, I leave you with a thought - what do you want to do when you are 60 and are looking back at life? 

You want to be as confused as you are today or you want to look back and tell yourself, I respect myself for every action I took. 

You are not wrong if you are selfish, you are just looking out for self preservation. Isn't that a basic human instinct?

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Main juda nahi tujhse, tu ibadat hai meri

Tere liye main hardam hoo, yeh marzi hai meri.