Bediyan/Decisions

Hai mere paanv hi

Khud meri bediyaan

Us se mujhe tu chooda

......

Dil ke viraane mein

Mere phasane mein

Tu hi toh har dum raha.

-Tera Mera Rishta. 

I have been talking and talking a lot, to a lot of people, this quarantine and surprisingly each and everyone of us has gone through a phase of self-realization and have re-evaluated life choices at multiple levels. Some are questioning where their career is headed and some are questioning where their life?

How much have we lost ourselves in the process, which is an illusion to stay happy and what all have we buried for something that we assumed would give us peace in the long run, but now that life has slowed down and has forced us to think, to consider and to ruminate, the shroud is slowly disappearing. 

We make choices and sometimes choices are just an impediment in our endeavour to a life we imagined or a life pictured by us and sometimes you make choices because you need to go through the whole of your inner turmoil and uncertainty to be able to finally come out of it with a certain clarity. For some, like me it took close to two years to reach a conclusion of what I wanted with life and I am pretty clear with the outcome.

But on the other hand there are a few who struggle to choose with a decision that was taken/given due to circumstances - emotional or practical(very subjective) and when the realisation dawned upon them, their life turned topsy turvy and they are now just a child in a toy store, scared and confused. 

But you don't have to be, you are just going to come out of it stronger. But you need to do it alone. Nobody can and should hold your finger and take you to the exit, coz phir se you will just end up following the footsteps of that person who helps you and the(your) entire journey, your entire existence, will be rendered futile.

Now, I leave you with a thought - what do you want to do when you are 60 and are looking back at life? 

You want to be as confused as you are today or you want to look back and tell yourself, I respect myself for every action I took. 

You are not wrong if you are selfish, you are just looking out for self preservation. Isn't that a basic human instinct?

----

Main juda nahi tujhse, tu ibadat hai meri

Tere liye main hardam hoo, yeh marzi hai meri.

Zindagi

Taaron Bhari Ek Raat Mein

Tere Khat Padhenge Saath Mein

Kora Jo Panna Reh Gaya

Ek Kaanpte Se Haath Mein

Thodi Shiqaayat Karna Tu

Thodi Shiqayat Main Karun

Naraaz Bas Na Hona Tu,

Zindagi...

- Zindagi Kuch toh Bata.

These lines, can be interpreted in the most beautiful ways. Toota dil ho, ya bichde dost, ya koi extrovert - basically 'longing' ka koi bhi form ho.

Yeh scenes generally movies main hote hai but aise ek movie series hai 'Before Trilogy'; Before Sunrise is the first, it's beautiful, though I don't remeber much but I really want to re-watch it all, may be tonight

But again think about it, on the way to adulting, we end up losing so many friends, people we loved, family members and as years progress the realisation dawns upon us, as one starts getting busier some friends are no more at the same wavelength with you and you realise some have settled in a 'gruh grihasti' and some just fade out. 

And we envision a day when we can just sit down with a few and have just one night to discuss a lot that remained unsaid and one kicks himself as to why didn't they, May be the time is now?

Kora kagaz, ek unkahi kahani,

Tum aur main, meri zubaani. 

Amazing Lyrics - Part 7

Oye laila laila laila meri jaan

Kya hai tera naam

Dekhun main tujhko ankh moond ke

Chhaila, chhaila karta hai salaam

Kya hai tera naam

Dekhun main tujhko ankh moond ke

AndhaDhun bechara, bechara dil aaj se

AndhaDhun bechara, bechara dil aaj se

Chal Monday raat se

Mere dil ke, dil ke

Dil ke bhi dil mein hai tu

Haan mere dil ke, dil ke

Dil ke bhi dil mein hai tu

---Listen to this song, it's a very happy song. 

I thought I always share all beautifully written poetic songs but this song - it's happy and it's fun. This is Amit Trivedi for you, listen to it for all the musical instruments come together in synchrony and makes it such a lively song. It deserves to be shared and I also know for a fact not many have actually listened to it. 

Go ahead it, it's perfect and I want 'You' to listen to it 'now' on full volume. Thank me in the comments. I know you'll love it. 

Yaha, click here. 

Taral

Kyon ki prem main, insaan taral ho jaata hain.
* Medha Bhatt
Again, this woman writes like a dream, it's not direct - where you are reaching from point A to point B. It's layered. If she would have used the word mad, happy or referred to something that mentioned a single emotion, I'd not have written such a long post about it but using the word 'Taral - Fluid', is the most powerful move she could have pulled.

Think about it, we are not a single emotion in love, we are much more - we are happy, angry, mad, insecure, trusting, possessive we are everything that is greedy as well as accomodating - this here is being fluidic.

We go lengths to make sure that one person is retained or atleast the one person is around us at all times, hum kisi bhi shape main dhal jaaayenge bas tera hona zaroori hain. Sab jo aaj tak nahi kiya woh bhi kar jaayenge bas tera saath mujhe chahiye.
Woh gaane ke bol yaad aate hai,

------
Kaga Re Kaga, Mori Itni Araz Tose, Chun Chun Khaiyo Maans
Re Jiya Re, Khaiyon Na Tu Naina More
Piya Ke Milan Ki Aas.

------
Taral hoke insaan abaad ho jaata hai.

Medha then says,
Sabse Saral insaan prem karta hai, par saral hona sabse kathin bhi hota hai. 

An Ode To The Sea

I wake up at nights, the fear that the sea is calling out to me again keeps me from sleeping. I was once a sailor - I ruled the blue seas up until the eyes could see and today I tremble at the sound of the waves; they keep me up at night. I don't think I was a gifted sailor, rather a good ship captain and was more concerned about the ship for that would keep me afloat out in the wide expanse and that is where I directed all my energy. I bore many storms and the highest waves but this one was different - the storms started getting wilder, the rain lashed the vessel like battering rams smashing the gates of a great empire about to fall. I fell. The ship lost. Captain shipwrecked.

Coming to think of it, I tried summoning the sea immediately, once I nursed myself back, I tried calming it down but failed, the sea preferred to stick to its behavior of being wild and free, what could I have done, I tried making amends, in vain!

Here I am today, back on the cliff that oversees that massive water body, almost close to jumping into the sea, just before the plunge but my confidence fails me. The sight of water or anything associated with it makes me tremble, I think it has to do with the massive failure as a Captain. Not that the sea is hostile, it is just what it is, except I have changed, I haven't been the same. Back on the cliff, I tremble I break into a song but I don't summon the sea, I just turn back and walk away. Aware of my presence the sea lends a helping hand to bring me back up but I am no more Sindbad, just another sailor trying his hand at conquering what was once mine.

I lost all in the wreck, except a memory of my vessel remains, the hardships have all vanished only the goods remain, I try every day to get back to the sea but today is going to be different, I will break into a song, summon the sea, but today I won't be at the cliff, rather on the shore; the waves will be the orchestra and the birds an audience, the fish shall dance to the tunes and the clouds pour down for this is my magnum opus. I may never return, for it seems an improbable task, but I shall leave with one grand ending. I may not be sailing today, but I shall sing and narrate it today.

'The sea calls out to me on a moonless night,
I resist the call and take flight
The open sea is wild and not a safe place to be
I conquered it and know, how that feels.

The sea calls out to me during the lowest tide
I resist the call and take flight
The sea is unpredictable and that shipwrecked me
I quit being a sailor, I am free.

The sea calls out to me, I know not why
I resist the call and take flight
The sea is strong and needs not me
I too shall pay no heed.

The sea calls out to me, there is a sailor in tow
I resist the call and respond no more.'

Calling Me Home

I have walked a rocky road all alone looking for something new
The voice in my head guiding me home is none other but you.

It's you I look in every face and yet you seem so far away
And when I find the girl I know, this is what I'll say,

----

I've walked many a miles in broken shoes, with no end at sight
But I come home to you and it's here my peace resides.

I look out the window and a familiar face smiles back at me
It's here I know I am safe, for you are home to me

Reflecting them rays, adds a charm to your face
I say to self hold on to her for she is the home you seek

----

I've walked a rocky road across many a path looking for a girl I know
And when I find the girl I know, I am never letting her go.

If i were a song

अगर मैं एक गीत होति

तुम उसके बोल होति

मुखड़ा तुम्हारी हर वो नादान्नगी बयान करती

अंतरा तुम्हारी हर वो बात

अगर मैं चांद होता

तोह रात तुम होती

तारों के संग लुखा चुप्पी तुम खेलती

जुगनू की सुबह तुम होती 

अगर मैं एक कविता होता 

उसका लेख तुम लिखती 

कभी आंधी में मिलती मुझे 

कभी फूलो में छिपति

अगर मैं नदी होता 

बहते पानी का साज़ तुम होती 

आलेख अतीत का मेरे तुम रखती

मेरे होने की गवाह तुम होती

अगर मैं मिट्टी होता 

तोह सांस उसमे तुम भर्ती

जीने की वजह तुम होती 

बाकायदा जीवन तुम होती 

In Roman 

Agar main ek geet hota

Tum uske bol hoti 

Mukhda tumhari naadangi bayan karti

Antra tumhari har woh anokhi baat 

Agar main chaand hota

Toh raat tum hoti

Taaron ke sang lukha chupi khelti

Jugnu ki subeh tumhare aane hoti

Agar main ek kavita hota

Uske lekh tum likhti

Kabhi aandhi main milati mujhe

Kabhi phoolo main chipti

Agar main nadi hota 

Behte paani ka saaz tum Hoti

Alekh ateet ka mere tum rakhti

Mere hone ki gavah tum hoti

Agar main mitti hota 

Toh saans usme tum bharti

Jeene ke wajah tum hoti

Bakaida jeevan tum hoti

Dil Ka Aitbaar Nahi

Raaste badle hue kitne saal guzaar diye
Mile na kabhi uski hi tayaari the kiye
Dooriyan badti chali gayi toh jeene ki bhi aadat daal li
Kismat ko manzoor tha shayad yeh hi

Kabhi rubaroo humse hojaao toh kuch mat kehna 
Bas muskurake ke chal dena 
Kahi zikar agar humara ho jaaye toh 
Baat ko tum Yuh hi Taal dena
Jo kuch bhi reh gaya ho tumhare paas
Use dhool bana ke parvah dena
Sameth ke sab kuch yaadon ke saath
Kahi tijori main band ke, guma dena

Kyun ki 

Maana ke hum yaar nahin
Lo te hai ke pyaar nahi
Phir bhi nazrein na tum milana
Dil ka aitbaar nahi.
(I wanted to write something with these lines for I loved this song)