Tu aur kisi ka na hoo na main jeete ji mar jaungi
Teri khaatir duniya se ab Tanhaa hi lad jaaungi
- Chameli
Expression of thoughts, that's what I do best.
You need to stop. Stop right here and go back. You are just makikg yourself miserable. I don't intend to. But you are just causing yourself too much pain by being here.
And trust me, I am not saint or a sufi or a stoic or any of those enlightened philosophers - I'll ensure you are miserable. You know how? Coz now you feel exactly how I did. I am as clueless as I was then but atleast I don't regret about decisions that I imposed on others. Coz I didn't, it was a choice that was made. I let people fly. Will do so too.
So now my question? What's in it here that you seek? My wisdom? My pain or my journey?
My journey has been ardous and full of tumult, can you walk over it bare foot, bleeding with every step? No you can't, my journey is not yours to take.
I don't wish ill feelings, may be in a different life, you'd be my beer buddy but that's in a different life, may be. Never ever again thrust people to act the way you think appropriate, may be that's your appropriate not theirs. May be if travel plans turn out fruitful, may be! May be! May be!
I'd like to tell you, if you've watched Avengers, haan chubta hai bahut andar tak, it's like you lying on the bed of pins (like Dr. Strange) that are painful and piercing but they don't kill you, you are tortured. But you can't die yet.
Shayad, you might get back in your old space and things get better but you've got to wait out the storm you've got to be real patient - don't ever rush things because they come in with that much force and when they leave it's just devastation(Tsunami videos google karo, chalo) You don't want that experience at a young age. I was that age once. I would like to think I am wiser now coz whether you want it or not, it exists to build character (Calvin and Hobbes reference).
Dozakh samajhte ho, jaao google karo, I've been a guest there, my life thrust me there - I pray to God, none of you readers ever see that space of helplessness. So, man up and listen to what I have to say carefully.
I lost many of my spots - external forces at play and I blame them and I am filled with rage. Yes.
But that's my problem. I'll deal with it. Woh mera karam hain, Bhagvat Gita padi hai? Karam jo hai woh pratham karya hai. Aapki aatman ka woh ek yardstick hai aapke jeevan safalta ka. Main mere karam nibha raha hoo.
You know, I am still not perfect, Krishn bhi toh shaap se hi mare the, unka shav uthane koi nahi aaya, jungle main janwaar ki bhaati shikar kiye gaye. Kyun ki hum insaan hain and our vices take over our sense of discernment and we fail to call out the right from the wrong under the disguise of Karam.
I know you might be feeling these words here are pointless but try and understand where I am coming from..
I wish you readers all best, sachi. Main toh kayi door ja chuka hoo, mujhe pata bhi nahi kitna door. I am just chugging also like a train engine, now with no bogeys.
Tum sabhi ko nahi chalna hai mere peeche.
Abhi bhi wahi kehta hoo, Bedi mat bano - tum koi jailer nahi ya koi afsr - ki bedi baan di aur socha, chalo ab main sukoon main hoo. Bedi ab toot gayi hai na? Kya mila?
Har koi jail se escape ka hi sochta hai, koi nahi sochta, haan main yaha kush hoo. Koi sochta hai? Shawshank dekho, it's a wonderful film.
Laalach bhi kisi ko kabhi rook nahi paaya. Woh galati mat karna - bedi toot gayi toh laalach de ke rook lena. Phir back fire hoga. (Again watch the above mentioned movie - here I am referring the warden).
Toh meri raaye maano ya mat maano. Main bas itna bolta hoo - ruko - patiently ruko. Yaha nahi rukna hain. Yaha tumko sirf hollow utensils hi milegenge. Tum yaha kaafi saal late aaye ho. Pehle hi aa jaate, toh shayad yeh quagmire main phaste hi na.
But I'll still say - do not fuck it up. Wait. It's going to get better. It might get better. But just don't fuck it up.
I'll leave you with lots of love. I'll leave you with wisdom. I'll leave you with hope that you have learned.
I'll leave you all to never see you again.
Kavi! (1of2)
